When Is a Child’s Voice Considered in Family Mediation?

Separation can have various effects on children. Their routines, relationships, schooling and stability may all impact the success of a proposed parenting arrangement.

During family mediation, parents can discuss these concerns without making the child responsible for resolving the dispute. A child’s views may provide useful information, but those views must be considered carefully and in an age-appropriate way.

A family mediator can help parents focus on the child’s needs while developing parenting arrangements. Depending on the circumstances, information may come from the parents, the child or another qualified family professional.

How Can a Child’s Voice Be Considered in Mediation?

Quick Answer: A child’s views may be considered during family mediation when doing so is appropriate, safe and helpful. The method may depend on the child’s age, maturity and family circumstances. Listening to a child does not mean asking the child to choose between parents. The parents remain responsible for developing arrangements that support the child’s best interests.

Listening Is Different From Letting a Child Decide

Taking into consideration a child’s voice entails taking adequate consideration of the child’s experiences, needs, and preferences. It does not entail letting the child control the mediation process or decide on the final parenting schedule.

For example, a child may have concerns about:

• Travelling between two homes
• Missing school activities
• Spending time with siblings
• Maintaining friendships
• Adjusting to unfamiliar routines

These concerns can help parents identify practical problems within a proposed parenting plan. They should not be treated as instructions that the parents must automatically follow.

Under Canada’s Divorce Act, a child’s views and preferences are among the factors considered when determining their best interests. The weight given to those views depends partly on the child’s age and maturity. The child’s physical, emotional and psychological safety, security and well-being remain the primary consideration.

A child should also be reassured that the adults will make the decisions. This reduces the risk of the child feeling responsible for disappointing a parent or causing a particular outcome.

When Are a Child’s Views Relevant to Parenting Discussions?

The child’s opinions might come into play when the parents are developing or modifying their parenting arrangements. Nonetheless, it is worth noting that there is no set guideline that can apply to all children and families.

Does a Child’s Age Determine Whether They Are Heard?

There is no particular age that a child has automatically reached at which they can make decisions concerning where they live.

The younger child can express themselves about simple issues related to their routine and feelings of missing out on the other parent. The older child or teenager can talk about issues concerning education, employment, peer relationships, personal space and freedom.

The issue here does not only revolve around whether the child is old enough to talk. It is equally necessary to determine whether getting their opinion will be helpful.

How Do Maturity and Individual Circumstances Matter?

Children of the same age can have very different levels of maturity and understanding. Relevant considerations may include the child’s:

• Ability to understand the parenting issue
• Capacity to express an independent opinion
• Emotional readiness to participate
• Communication needs
• Relationship with each parent
• Exposure to parental pressure or conflict

The opinions of the teenager may be accorded much weight owing to the schedules and obligations of older children. Yet, it is inappropriate to inform the teenager that he/she will make the final decision.

What Information May Be Relevant to a Parenting Plan?

Parents may need to consider the child’s:

• School schedule and transportation
• Extracurricular activities
• Medical or developmental needs
• Cultural, linguistic or religious routines
• Relationships with siblings and extended family
• Need for consistency between homes
• Ability to manage transitions

Parenting arrangements should protect and support a child’s physical, emotional and psychological safety, security and well-being.

A family mediator in Ontario can help parents examine this information without turning the mediation into an argument about which parent the child prefers.

How May a Family Mediator Receive a Child’s Views?

A family mediator does not automatically interview the child. The appropriate method depends on the mediator’s training, the child’s circumstances and the type of information needed.

Information Provided by the Parents

Parents often begin by explaining the child’s routines, needs and reactions to the current parenting arrangements. This may include information about school, health, activities, transportation and transitions between homes.

A mediator can help parents distinguish between:

• What the child has directly communicated
• What a parent believes the child wants
• The child’s practical needs
• Each parent’s preferred outcome

Parents should avoid presenting the child’s statements as evidence against one another. The purpose is to understand the child’s experience and create a workable plan.

Child-Inclusive Family Mediation

In child-inclusive mediation, a suitably qualified professional may meet with the child separately. The child can discuss experiences or concerns in an age-appropriate setting.

Before this occurs, the process should address:

• Whether participation is voluntary
• What information may be shared
• Whether both parents provide the required consent
• How the child’s privacy will be protected
• Whether participation could expose the child to pressure
• Whether the professional has appropriate training

The professional may provide themes or carefully framed feedback to support the parents’ discussions. The child is not asked to negotiate with the parents or make the final decision.

Not every family mediator in Toronto provides child-inclusive services. A mediator may recommend another qualified family professional when specialized support is needed.

Reports and Other Professional Input

In some cases, information about a child’s views may come through:

• A Voice of the Child report
• A parenting assessment
• A qualified mental health professional
• A child’s lawyer or clinician
• The Office of the Children’s Lawyer during court proceedings

A court-requested Voice of the Child report is a specific Ontario process. When a case is accepted, a clinician interviews the child and prepares information for the court. It should not be treated as identical to an informal discussion within mediation.

How Is the Information Used in Mediation?

The mediator may help parents:

1. Identify the child’s concerns.
2. Explore the needs behind those concerns.
3. Compare realistic parenting options.
4. Consider stability, safety and daily routines.
5. Develop terms for a parenting plan.

Agreed terms may later be recorded in a Memorandum of Understanding. Each parent can obtain independent legal advice before deciding whether to turn those terms into a legally binding agreement.

When Might Direct Child Involvement Be Inappropriate?

Direct participation is not an appropriate approach for all children or families. The mediator must determine before involving the child whether doing so will help gain information about the situation without putting the child under stress or causing harm.

Protecting Children From Parental Conflict

Children should not be asked to carry messages, report on the other household or support one parent’s position. They should also not be repeatedly questioned about what they told a mediator or another professional.

Parents should avoid:

• Asking the child which parent they prefer
• Discussing adult legal or financial disputes
• Promising that the child will receive a particular outcome
• Blaming the other parent for the parenting schedule
• Asking the child to keep mediation-related secrets

Even well-intentioned questions can make a child feel responsible for the dispute. The purpose of child-focused mediation is to understand the child’s needs while keeping adult decision-making with the parents.

Safety and Power-Imbalance Concerns

Additional safeguards may be needed where there are concerns involving:

• Domestic violence or coercive control
• Threats, intimidation or harassment
• Child protection concerns
• Suspected coaching or parental pressure
• Serious emotional distress
• Fear of consequences for speaking openly
• Significant power imbalances

A mediator should screen for safety and mediation suitability before deciding whether a child’s views should be obtained directly. Separate sessions, professional referrals or another dispute-resolution process may be more appropriate in some circumstances.

Privacy, Consent and Neutrality

Before a child participates, parents should understand:

1. Who will meet with the child
2. What training that professional has
3. Whether the child’s participation is voluntary
4. What information may be shared with the parents
5. What limits apply to privacy
6. How safety concerns will be handled

A child should receive an age-appropriate explanation of the process. Complete confidentiality should not be promised because disclosure may be necessary where serious safety or child protection concerns arise.

When another Process May Be Needed

Family mediation in Ontario may need to pause or operate alongside legal and professional support when there are immediate safety risks, disputed allegations or a need for formal evidence.

Parents may require independent legal advice, a qualified mental health professional or court involvement. Mediation should not be used to avoid necessary safety measures or professional assessments.

Questions about Children’s Participation in Mediation

Does a child attend family mediation with their parents?

Usually, children do not attend their parents’ mediation sessions. Their views may be obtained separately through an appropriate child-inclusive process.

Can a teenager choose which parent to live with in Ontario?

A teenager’s views may receive significant consideration, but the teenager does not automatically make the final parenting decision.

Can parents ask a mediator to interview their child?

Parents may ask, but not every mediator interviews children. Training, consent, safety and the child’s needs must first be considered.

Discuss Child-Focused Parenting Arrangements with Smart Separation

Smart Separation helps separating parents discuss parenting time, decision-making responsibility and practical arrangements in a structured environment.

Assad Bajwa, Founder of Smart Separation, provides family mediation services in Toronto for parents seeking child-focused solutions. Mediation may help parents explore routines, schedules, communication expectations and other terms for a parenting plan.